We've all heard the saying: "Three strikes, and you're out!" It's usually used as a baseball term or a way of warning people from doing stupid things, but I feel that is applies to my life right now.
Every adventure comes with its struggles and rough spots. Adventures aren't always "daisies and roses", as much as we wish they were. Sometimes there are really low spots that get hit. Here are three that are hindering my "life adventure" right now. (Maybe you can relate and/or give me some advice?)
Strike 1: Family.
"Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what." -Unknown.
Recently, there has been a lot of family drama happening. My family has always been considered some of the "black sheep" of our town, and my immediate family has always been the "black sheep" of the extended family, so we are basically the black sheep of the black sheep. Things have happened, words have been exchanged, attitudes have changed, and now things feel awkward. It sucks when you don't even know how to act around your family anymore and just feel uncomfortable being around or talking to them. I still love them all so much; the atmosphere just feels so different now and I'm having trouble dealing with it and the emotions that come with it.
I feel like this is just another confirmation that I need to leave. This place will always be my home, but I need to spread these wings and fly to where I can grow and learn more, which brings us to a dead halt at the next strike..
Strike 2: Future.
"The future depends on what we do in the present." -Mahatma Ghandi
I went off to Bible College for a year and a half, trying to grow more in my faith and also figure out what next steps to take. I realized I had so many options, so I chased a few, and doors began to open. Now I'm suddenly left wondering if I'm taking the right steps and walking through the right doors. My goal is to do work/ministry overseas, but I'm having trouble deciding on what means to go about getting there. Do I take an education, which will require more years of my life, or do I just grab my bags, purchase a ticket, and just go? The latter option was presented to me by my grandpa just today, and my first thoughts were, ".. Why not?" If I was to just fly over, I'd get the chance to see if it's what I even want to do, rather then spend the next 4 years of my life preparing, going over, then realizing, "Oh, this is really what I had in mind" or "I don't really like this, I should've done something else".
The thing that frustrates me is that I thought I had finally decided on something, and now, here I am, second guessing it and back at square one.. again..
Strike 3: Faith.
"The weakest part of my life can become the strongest part of my faith." -Unknown
I'll admit, after leaving a Bible College, it's hard to maintain that "spiritual high" you had there, especially when you get back to your home town and feel like you've hit a wall a "spiritual lukewarmness." It also doesn't help when you don't have any friends or mentors nearby to encourage and build you up. I've been trying to keep going strong in my devotions and quiet time; I've honestly been failing at it. Sometimes I just feel so discouraged, I'm afraid I'm not being a good enough Christian. I desire to have a stronger relationship with God, so that I can hear Him and His directions more clearly, but I still feel like there's this foggy mist or I chicken out when I know for sure that it's His word. It's so frustrating!
I use to have dreams all the time when I got home (I feel like God speaks to me a lot in dreams), but I haven't had any in almost a week.
Most of this might just be in my head, but it helps me when I can get it all written out and maybe think it over again. It also helps to get it off my chest since there's no one around to talk to about it. Even though no one will probably read this, maybe someday I can look back at this and laugh at my silliness.
Until next time, keep it real.
Kathryn
"She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25
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