I now understand why suicide rates are so high now a days.
Because this world is so hopeless and cruel, people get tired of trying and lose their hope, and feel their only option is to give up and disappear into the dark.
Dark and depressing, yes, but also the truth.
I'm a real person. I share my real feelings and thoughts. So if real is not what you want, you should find a different blog to read.
My honest confession:
I'm tired.
Spiritually.
Physically.
Emotionally.
"Well you're not a real Christian then! You should always be joyful and know that God is in control!"
I know that! But honestly, right now, My heart is broken.
I've been happily single for over a year, so no, it's not that kind of broken.
I'm just tired.
I'm tired of trying to be kind and helpful when I always get shunned or crap as repayment.
I'm tired of hoping that life is gonna get better, then I get a slap in the face by life.
I'm tired of feeling too tired or too discouraged to read my Bible.
I'm tired. I really am.
I'm not saying I'm depressed and gonna commit suicide, but I am very discouraged with life right now.
I'm not writing to be like "Oh poor me, my life sucks, everyone should pity me."
No.
No one even reads this.
This is just my place to vent and share my feelings.
I'm just saying this to show someone out there that, if this is how they feel, they're not alone.
I feel I get judged alot of being real. And it hurts.
It makes me want to shut down and not be real.
But I find being real helps me connect with others.
There's too many fakes out there and not enough real people.
Because of that, so many people are becoming fake to blend in and not get hurt, when really, even the fakes are hurting.
Everyone is hurting in one way or another!
Why hide it?
It's like putting a band-aid on an infected cut and just leaving it. It only gets worse til it gets dangerous and possibly even life threatening.
Sometimes you NEED to share that you're hurting, that you need help, that you're struggling.
It's hard, I know, I struggle so much with that, cause I'm tired of getting judged.
But you know, there are some people out there who truly care about you, and want to help you.
You will always run into fake, hypocritical, and judgmental people, that's a guarantee.
But there are good, honest, trustworthy, real people out there.
Maybe they're hiding and hurting too.
Even if you don't know someone like that, or do, but don't feel fully comfortable being open to them,
Always remember:
You have a loving Father who cares about you, who sees you struggle and feels your pain and hurt, who cries with you, and longs to hold you in His loving embrace, and wipe all your tears away, and tell you that He loves you and that He's with you and it'll all be worth it in the end.
You just need to let Him.
It doesn't matter what you've done, whether something big that you think can't be forgiven ever or something small that you think no one would care about, but you still feel convicted.
He LOVES you!
He loves YOU!
That is something I struggle with SO often, is understand why He would love me, even after what I've done.
I've been a Christian my whole life and grown up in a Christian home, and I still fail at understanding His love from time to time.
It just blows my mind.
He truly is an awesome God.
And I`m so thankful to be able to call Him MY God!
I love how these blogs always for some reason turn into mini devos for myself...
But to whoever reads this, I hope this has touched you and made you realize, like I have, that no matter what you're going through, no matter how low you are, how dark it is, how lost you are, there is always hope.
There is always a light.
There is always God.
Keep it real and remember YOU are loved!
Kathryn
No comments:
Post a Comment